![]() ![]() I know it's an escape but it's addicting. This is the first place where I've admitted all this. so, I feel like I'm constantly 'on stage' with a smile plastered on my face. ![]() Not even my husband wants to hear about my depression. I have two forms of release: sleep & crocheting. I decided that handling it myself, was better that medications and their side effect and the price! And so the world goes on and I trudge along with it. I did try meds for awhile, but they were so expensive, I had to stop, cold turkey. Nobody wants to know how I REALLY feel, so I hide it. I used to try to tell people about my depression, but there is no quicker way to lose a friends (another loss) then to mention it or that you are/have been experiencing it for years. I crochet to gain peace and I have a room full of crocheted blankets, throws, shawls, etc. I don't notice how much the world has changed, if I just stay home. The world is changing and leaving me behind. ![]() To get out in the world is to be reminded of just how depressing being 60+ is. I'm alone a lot, but that doesn't bother me. I go to sleep as early as possible and I get out of bed only when I just can't sleep another minute. I wake up, looking forward to going to sleep at night. Loss of childhood, loss of innocence, loss of beloved family members, loss of beloved pets, loss of youth, loss of purpose, loss of interest. I've come to the conclusion, that life is all about loss. This is the first time I have ever admitted this to any, other than myself. You can find Natasha Tracy on Facebook or GooglePlus or on Twitter. When asleep, my heart, my wrists, my bones are intact. It's true, depression will make a person tired regardless, but I suspect my mind, knowing of the relief of sleep, urges its presence rather strongly.Īnd while I know it's difficult to get work down or clean the kitchen while asleep, it's so much better than many of the other options. Why would I ever want to live in a world where the air is acid when I can simply lay my head on goose down feathers and close my eyes?Īnd knowing this, I feel very, very tired. Something that calls to me with inescapable tone. So I'm Tired, A LotĪnd so I find the lure of sleep to be that of a siren. It's just enough unconsciousness to drone out the angry, hateful voices and yet enough consciousness to enjoy it. But somehow it doesn't register the pain.Īnd flickering in and out of sleep is almost as glorious. Somehow, in my dreams, I am never in the agony of depression. Sleeping When You Have Depression Is Less Painfulīut being asleep is different. This ridiculous struggle not to die moment after moment. Depression checks behind rocks, it seems.Īnd the thoughts or the lack of thoughts that go with that depression haunt every blink. The trouble is, not sleeping with depression is horrendously painful. We're expected to be awake most of the time. I've found that during severe episodes every breath, is, in fact, pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something." ~ The Princess Bride You are NOT worth the hours I've spent thinking about you You are NOT worth the friends I've lost because I chose you You are NOT worth anything You are NOT worth me You DONT deserve anything You DONT deserve to be happy."Life is pain, highness. ![]() You are NOT worth the nights I've stayed up for you. You are NOT worth the tears I've shed for you. I guess you never really know someone I guess love is really blind. It's funny how he never met you Yet managed to see the lie. But in the end, he was right Sadly I was wrong HE cared enough to tell me Man enough to say what was going on. I have someone who knew who you really are And he told me what was true I denied everything I told him cheating is something you wouldnt do. You tell me that you hate me That you never really cared You keep telling her all these lies And she's not aware. When I see you now I feel so cold You arent the person I thought you were You smile at me so bold. So I've let go of you But it took me two months To slowly erase the memories Of your laugh and your touch. Without so much as a goodbye Without saying Im sorry Without giving me a reason why. Now when I think of you My heart slowly starts to sink. and since you left, I've been feeling my heart break. But it isn't because you and I are having some fight. I've been crying myself to sleep every night. ![]()
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